on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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