Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
