I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
