Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize