this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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