I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
