My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
