I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
well you can't waste a boner
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
