I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
