did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
