I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
