Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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