You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
