yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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