Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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