He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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