yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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