How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You took a bar mat shot.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
