Do you still have your period?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
