after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
