You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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