God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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