this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
