It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
