new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
