Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
