chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
PANTIES FOUND
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