I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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