like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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