Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
