can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
