He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
why does every cop we meet know your name?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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