Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
