"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
