I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
