I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So. Much. Porn.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
