But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
