im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
