I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
