also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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