im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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