New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
