I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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