better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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