I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
