she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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