I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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