He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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