oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize