it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
