We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
