My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
