It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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