He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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