Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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