it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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