Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
