I seem to have left my pride at pride
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
