i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize