i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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