So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
