p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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