and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
