Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
