who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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