Whatcha textin bout Willis?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
