The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I would ride that face into the sunset
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize