Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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