Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm like, not good at living.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
