I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just blew my weed a kiss
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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