how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Someone signed my nipple.
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