So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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