high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
