you guys were way drunker than both of me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
