8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
