jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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