It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize