I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My ATM looks so different sober.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
