my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
