I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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