If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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