I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
