When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
