first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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