The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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